Pregnancy Jitters.

Well, I only have about one more day left in the 4th month of pregnancy, and I have started feeling a little bit left out of the pregnancy spectrum. Only a tad less than 20 weeks, and strangers still can’t tell that I’m pregnant! Maybe it’s the belly fat that I should blame. Maybe it’s the way I walk. Maybe it’s that I’m not drinking enough milk (which I do not think is possible). Either way, I don’t feel very pregnant, I don’t look very pregnant (I just look fat), and yet I want to. I want to feel everything a pregnant woman should feel. Including the not so pleasant things.
First trimester: can you say morning sickness? I had plenty of it. I lost my appetite for pretty much everything. I lost a few pounds because I could barely eat, and what I could eat, I usually tossed back into the world (UGH!). But I was proud of the fact that I knew what all of that felt like.
Second trimester (which I am still not finished with): Absolutely NOTHING! I don’t have any heartburn. I never had the achy boobs, or the freakish cravings, or the increase in appetite, or the inability to sleep, or the swollen feet, or the tiredness/fatigue, I feel like I always feel. Sometimes that worries me; because it makes me think maybe something could be wrong. But everyone tells me that it’s perfectly normal. But how can they be so sure!?
I have felt the baby move, several times. But they are very slight movements/jerks/flutters, and I don’t feel them as often as I want to, which saddens me. I want it to make it known to me that it’s in there, and never to let me forget it! Sometimes I go several days without feeling any movement, and I hate every second! I want to know exactly what it’s doing in there, so I can know it’s ok and safe and healthy. Maybe I’m just worrying too much, but a little reassurance from my baby would be wonderful.
I can’t wait until it moves so much that I want it to stop, and I can’t wait till I can’t bend over because my belly is so big, and I can’t wait till I can only walk for a few minutes because my feet are hurting. I want to feel all of it and experience all of it. But sometimes I feel like it will never happen. Sometimes I feel like it will just keep growing and I will feel and look the same. I mean, or course when I push on my belly down there I can feel the extreme tightness, and I do feel a little bit off balance, and I feel a little pain from ligaments stretching, but I don’t feel enough to be satisfied just yet. It makes me sad that my baby is probably practicing kung fu inside me and I can’t feel it! But I suppose this is something a lot of pregnant women go through.

As long as the baby is healthy, I will be happy.